Willow Branches in Autumn Winds

A Challenge to Focus

It has been very hard for me to find quality time to cultivate my own interests lately.  I feel there are just so many things I’d love to be able to do, and not enough time.  Mark and I have discussed this repeatedly and keep saying we’re going to set up a weekly time for me to get out of the house and write, but things come up, and that time gets set aside.

Last week Mark was out of town, so I didn’t really get a break from Isaac the whole week (except for tutoring a few hours on Thursday while my friend Adriane watched him).  There is always the evening after he goes to bed, but without Mark around those times often ended up with me doing housework or vegging with a game or TV show on the computer.

I’m out tonight, but I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve had some time to myself that I’ve spent about an hour and a half decompressing.  I have several blog posts rattling around in my head related to the God in America series, recent stories of anti-gay bullying, and some personal spiritual stuff, but now that I’m sitting here, I’m having a hard time focusing.

I have a very hard time managing my time and often end up wasting it, so that is something I want to work on.  Having a toddler is pretty unpredictable in terms of what time I will have available for whatever needs to be done—whether that is getting dinner made or reading some of the many blogs I enjoy to keep my mind engaged.  It is a challenge for me, during the long days of being home alone with Isaac, to give my focused attention to anything (including him).  I could improve in this this area.  If I give Isaac several periods of my undivided attention throughout the day, then he and I might both do better at having some time when we are both focusing on something else.  But if I spend too much time trying to “play” with him while I’m cleaning up the kitchen or reading my email, we both end up grumpy.

If I work on focusing on one thing at a time, I could probably put a little effort into outlining or brainstorming for blog posts a few times each week, and then when I do have a long stretch to work on writing, I will already have some things to work from.

Then there are also several other things I’d like to spend time on: knitting (the fall weather has inspired me to pick up my needles again), volunteer work for InterVarsity, photography and other art, organizing and de-cluttering my house.  Not to mention spending time with friends, getting dinner on the table every night, loving my husband, keeping up with the dishes and the laundry, etc., etc.

So, this is my challenge to myself for the next few weeks: make an effort to focus on whatever is right in front of me, and try to make time to focus on each of the things I really care about (and/or the things I have to do whether I care about them or not).  I’m hopeful.